How to be happy and contented?

Working in the same company for more than 20 years as an administrative staff, having four children from three pregnancies and still looking good and happy, these are the quick facts of a marvellous woman who shared with me very candidly about her ways of life.

She is a happy-go-lucky person and has often told her colleagues to take things easy when they are faced with problems. She believes that we should live our lives happily, hold no grudges or resentment towards others and live and let live.

Her positive attitude and her ability in taking things easy in life are the attributes that make her a happy and contented person. She is able to juggle her work and family well. This is the envy and desire of many working mothers.

Home-made Sushi by a first-timer...

When it comes to doing things, it is always not the question of ability but
of willingness to do it. Here is a good example, Joel has for the first
time, attempted to make sushi for our family's dinner. And looking at the
picture, can you tell much difference from what you would buy from the
Japanese stores? I would say, it was a job well done. We enjoyed the dinner
very much with wasabi!!!

So, in life, it is always the inertia and lethargy that hold us back from
getting down to do something, once we make an effort to overcome and get
started with it, it gets going pretty naturally. As we do it more often, we
become better and better at it.

It is not how long we live, but what we did when we lived!

Died of cardiac arrest before his scheduled big performances as a major comeback after several years of grappling with some of his personal issues, many people in every corner of the earth felt that Michael Jackson said goodbye too soon.

Nothing is certain in this world except death, and nobody could eacape and avoid it, at best one might be able to delay it through advanced health and medical sciences. But, eventually, it will still come without any further extension of DEADline.

Therefore, the question we might want to ask ouselves is, what is the significance of life? I believe it is not how long we live on this earth, but what we do when we are alive, and how we have impacted people with what we do. History has it that many who died at relatively young age had left behind a profound legacy. It goes to show the importance of making a difference when we are still alive.

Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?

I often notice that people like to say things they don't mean and mean things they don't say. Are you one of those?

If you visit someone at his home and it happens that the family are having their dinner, usually, they would invite you to join them out of courtesy. But, they don't really mean what they say. So, be polite not to take the invitation literally. The family might not have enough food for you. That is just a form of greetings, unless you are invited repeatedly and the host grab you by your arm and have you seated at the dining table. Then, you know they mean what they say!

One evening, you are out with your girl friend at Mount Faber and she says to you, "Dear, it's pretty cold here!". Now, what do you make of this? Most guys might say, 'Yeah! It is.' And that is precisely the reason why many girls think most guys are "kayu" which means "a piece of wood" in Malay, i.e. not sensitive to girl's feelings. In this instance, actually, she might mean what she does not say or is shy to say, i.e. "I want a warm hug!" Most guys might not be sensitive enough to pick up such hidden meaning in communications with girls, in particular. The girl will be utterly disappointed as a result.

So, be sensitive, discreet and quick in communications, sometimes, there are hidden meanings that are not explicitly expressed. We just have to learn to pick them up quickly!

We tend to be negative by default...

By natural default, we tend to skew and tilt towards the negative side of our behavioural scale, for example, we tend to be lazy, we procrastinate, we indulge in unhealthy lifestyle, we tend to be complacent etc. To effect any positive change or improvement, we must take massive action with dogged determination to tilt the scale the other way round towards the positive side of it.

This does not happen by default, it has to be a conscious effort directed with clear focus, it is easier said than done because most of us lack strong discipline to carry through the change. For example, if a student does not put in enough time and effort to prepare for his examinations, by default, he would most likely fail them. If he wants to do well, he has to put in much hard work and conscientious effort. I am sure we can relate this idea to many daily activities we perform everyday.

How to deal with problems?

There is a Chinese idiom that says, “Of ten things in life, eight or nine of them are against our will or wishes”. It therefore should not come as a surprise if we have and continue to meet with many problems or challenges every day in our lives. That seems to be a given and it is normal.

So, the important thing to consider is, “how do we manage all these problems and challenges that seem to mess up our lives so endlessly?”

To manage them well, we must realise that problems broadly fall into two categories, namely the controllable and the uncontrollable. For the controllable, do something about it, seek help if necessary; for the uncontrollable, just accept it. There is no point trying to change something we have no control over.

Try the REVERSED Thinking!

I recently met with a mother who was complaining to me that her daughter, currently studying in a secondary school, is reading too many storybooks. I was surprised to hear that. But, the mother was not without reasons for saying that, and in fact, she said it with much sense of disappointment and helplessness.

The issue at hand is that the daughter gets so caught up and perhaps, I should say, addicted to reading storybooks one after another, so much so that she seems to have overlooked and neglected her studies. Rightfully, reading is a good habit many find it hard to form, and here we have a case of good habit that dies hard, but sadly, it dies the wrong way.

The mother has been trying very hard to dissuade her from reading too much so that she could at least spend an adequate amount of time to catch up on her schoolwork, but to no avail.

Keeping things in control and striking a balance in life are things that many of us always strive to do but not all have succeeded. Many of us tend to get carried away doing things we enjoy most. But, it is pretty ironic that most of the things we enjoy doing don't make us successful; and things that will make us successful, we somehow don’t enjoy doing them. The same applies to our diet. Most foods that taste good are not good for health, whereas most foods that are good for health don’t taste good.

Prevention is better than cure, and yet....

We all know that prevention is better than cure or correction, and yet most of the time, we end up correcting problems rather than preventing them.

Let's think about it, actually, many incidents of home fires could have been prevented, many tooth extractions could have been delayed, many health challenges could have been anticipated and many car accidents could have been avoided. But, why do they happen? I believe in most of these cases, a lack of attention or knowledge is the main cause.

In order to prevent problems from happening in the first place, we need to have a good foresight, deep insight and reflective hindsight into the respective areas of concern, and then be equipped with the relevant knowledge and information to prevent the problems from even taking place.

A restaurant where you don't pay GST and Service charges...

Magic Wok Restaurant that serves Halal Thai-Chinese Cuisines does not charge
the Goods and Services Tax (GST) and service charges. Some outlets are fully
air-conditioned. You can have free flow of iced-water. The foods taste good.
You can find the various locations in the name card above.

Don't play in the canal!

New signs such as this have been erected along the canals by PUB (Public Utilities Board). Heed the warnings and refrain from entering the canal.

A tough and rigid regime at the workplace!

In management, it is imperative that we put the right person on the right job. Often times, the mistake made by many leaders is to have the wrong person on the wrong job. That is simply erroneous and disastrous. If a person does not have the aptitutde for people management, never ever put him or her into management jobs. This is not just suicidal for the person but will cause a massacre of the entire team or department.

I have heard of stories of an employed Director, when she comes to a cul-de-sac or losing end of a discussion with her subordinates, she would just say, "I am the BOSS!". It sounds very much like in an army camp - a tough and rigid regime! Well, the subordinates, for the sake of their rice bowls, just have to listen, take it and go. This is a very authoritative style of leadership which might have worked well with subordinates who are not highly educated in the olden days, but today, this does not work anymore. Many subordinates could even discern the dirty tactics and politics she uses in her daily management functions.

What works better today is the consultative approach of management. Leaders must learn to listen attentively, reflect humbly and adjust accordingly to the inputs of the subordinates in a discussion or meeting. Seek to understand before being understood as what Stephen Covey says in his book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". A leader who is self-righteous and too authoritative cannot go far in his or her leadership career in the 21st Century!

The Buangkok Bridge - a good shortcut to Tampines Road from Buangkok

This is a shortcut from Buangkok to Tampines Road. Get on to Buangkok Bridge and Buangkok Flyover and you will hit Tampines Road at the other end. You can even get onto KPE.

Heard of Concrete Jungles?

The two pictures provide a clear contrast between a green jungle and a "concrete" jungle. In Singapore, due to land scarcity, many greens have to give way to high-rise buildings and structures which from afar, look like concrete jungles. They might not look natural, but they certainly look civil and structural.

A huge Recycled Bag...

What a huge recycled bag used in the park to collect dried leaves, instead of the normal black plastic garbage bag! It is certainly a positive step towards environmental protection.

What a price to pay for a liability in the name of convenience!

Is a car an asset or liability? Many might think it is an asset, but it is actually a liability. An asset would grow in value. But, at the end of 10 years, the car is to be scrapped with zero value. In Singapore, maintaining a car costs about SGD$1,000 per month. Some say it costs as much as maintaining a wife! Isn't it true? Even then, why are many people still owning and driving a car? Besides the reason of prestige, convenience is what almost all motorists would cite as a reason for driving. It is incredible that people are willing to pay so much for convenience.

Generally, a car in Singapore costs at least three times that in the USA. Moreover, in Singapore, before buying a car, one has to first bid for a Certificate of Entitlement which could cost more than S$30,000 at times, excluding the price of the car.

I have many friends who wanted to give up driving, but so far, none has succeeded, even though the public transport in Singapore has been improving towards its goal of world-class standard. It is hard for those who have been driving for decades to stop driving unless they are being circumstancially compelled to do so! But, in all fairness, in my own experience, the public transport has improved tremendously over the years and it has become very convenient now.

Laptop Overheating...What to do?

Getting hot and even overheating is a common problem in most laptops. While there are many ways of cooling them down, such as raising the laptop above the surface with some raisers, using a cooling pad with built-in fans etc. you may like to try a USB fan like the one in the picture if the heat is not too intense. It costs just S$8.50.

If you do encounter overheating in your laptop, just type "Laptop overheating" and do a Google search, you can find many sites that offer different suggestions and solutions.

An IRONIC Leadership!

It is interesting to observe how some bosses or leaders manage their employees or subordinates. Some bosses would say, “ Be creative in your work, come up with new ideas”, but when the employees or subordinates make mistakes while experimenting with new ideas, they would get reprimanded or hammered right on. Isn't it ironic?

There are also bosses who would say, “If you have any problem or feedback, please come to me”, but when the employees come to them with problems or feedback, all these problems and feedback will one day be used against them in a very personal way.

Scenarios similar to those mentioned above are ironically common at workplaces. With such treatment from the bosses or leaders, do you think the employees or subordinates would be creative and willing to give feedback again in future?

Therefore, it is imperative that a leader be consistent and not ironic. He or she must always remember to synchronise his or her words with actions. This is fundamental to effective leadership.

A typical motorised TRICYCLE in the Philippines...

Most motorcycles in the Philippines are being used as a mode of public transport and the one in the picture is a tricycle, but a motorised one. The motorcycle is installed with a passenger-cabin on the side and a third wheel. It can be seen almost everywhere, especially on smaller roads for short distances into the villages, often on roads where jeepneys or buses do not operate. The engine capacity of the tricycle ranges from 50cc up to about 125cc.

How fair are the prices at the FairPrice Supermarket?

How fair are the prices at the FairPrice Supermarket?

Just take the Scott's Emulsion Cod Liver Oil as an example. FairPrice Supermarkets are selling it at S$7.50. The same item is available in some Chinese medical shops at S$6.50 and I have found one shop in my neighbourhood where the same product is sold at just S$6.10. It is S$1.40 or 20% cheaper! The interesting thing is, the shop owner is keenly aware that FairPrice Supermarkets are selling the product at S$7.50, and yet he is still happily selling it at just S$6.10. Is he making a loss? Obviously not. So, if he could make money at this price, imagine how much more the FairPrice Supermarkets are making!

So, if you want to get the best value for your money for the regular shopping items, do some homework and you might be surprised to get a price that is better than fair!

Wanton Noodles in dark sauce at just S$2.50

A simple meal of Wanton Noodles for just S$2.50 (USD$1.70). It tastes good in dark sauce. You can try out this stall in the Kopitiam just opposite the Punggol Park.

Learn to live with imperfection!

A family friend gave us these two used appliances about two years ago, with some minor defects, but till now, they are still in proper working conditions. So, it is a matter of learning to live with imperfection in life.

Why strive so hard for perfection in a world that is inherently imperfect? My personal experience suggests that a perfectionist is a perfectly-stressed and usually relationship-strained person. Is it worth your life and energy?

Could it be a BLESSING in disguise?

Sleeping at the void deck of an HDB (Public Housing) flat when a gang fight broke out and having tatoos on both his hands got him four years behind bars and six strokes of the cane. This young man claimed that he was sabotaged and implicated. But, I am not sure why he still pleaded guilty.

Incidentally, he told me that when serving his jail sentence, there was a period of time when he was feeling very down and depressed and a prison officer passed him a copy of my motivational book to read. I am encouraged to hear that. By the way, he has recently been released.

He has turned over a new leaf. In fact, he even asked me where to have his tatoos removed. Out of teenaged ignorance, self-pleasure and peer pressure, he did the tatoos, but now he knows that the tatoos are not serving him any good at all. He has also come to a self-realisation that he has often been perceived negatively and disadvantaged in many ways because of the tatoos. Knowing such negative consequences, he is now telling his friends not to repeat his mistake. He will soon be enlisted into the two-year National Service.

I encouraged him to put the past behind him and move on in life, set new directions, work hard and live a decent life. He nodded in humble agreement. The eagerness to move on was so sincere that I could see it in his eyes. I gave him a good handshake. He was greatly appreciative. I am glad he is changed.

Whether justice was done in his case or not, it is a thing of the past now. There is no point brooding over it. Leave the baggage behind, get up, move on and soar to greater height. Whatever had happened happened with a purpose, the price has been paid, it could even be a blessing in disguise!

Are we too busy or too lazy to be GRACIOUS?

What does such a big poster displayed at the bus-stand tell of Singaporeans? Do we need to be told to be gracious? Are you too busy, or are we too lazy to be gracious? Are we so caught up in our work and study that we have no time to be gracious? Does being gracious take time? Does it take time to offer a seat, or to let someone else alight first? It appears to be just an attitude of indifference or "Bo Chup" in Hokkien dialect.

A decent home-cooked meal for S$2 per person

The picture above shows a simple home-cooked dinner comprising three dishes, i.e. Fried Red Snapper, Pumpkin with Prawns and Steamed Minced Meat with Eggs, to be served with rice.

The basic ingredients cost SGD$8.26, and taking into consideration other items such as soy sauce, pepper, garlic, cooking oil, water, gas etc. the costs might just add up to S$9. Assuming the rice costs S$1, the total cost for this meal is S$10. It is a three-dish dinner good for five persons.

Ma-cho Temple in San Fernando, La Union, Philippines

I was tour-guided to a Buddhist Temple named Ma-cho Temple located at the City of San Fernando in La Union in the Philippines, and was told this temple and its surroundings were once captured and used as parts of a movie there and it gave the impression that the shots were taken in China.

Buddhism in the Philippines is largely confined to the Filipino Chinese, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Korean, and Vietnamese communities. There are temples in Manila, Davao, Cebu and other places. It is understood that less than 0.1% of the total population is Buddhist; 80% of Filipinos are Roman Catholics.

Click on the image for an enlarged view.

A REFLECTION from Mimosa Pudica or "Touch-Me-Not"

During my childhood days, we used to see Mimosa Pudica growing wild on road side and barren land in the countryside. In fact, the above picture was taken along the sidewalk of the Buangkok Flyover in Singapore. In the picture, you might notice that some leaves have already folded. Those days, we liked to tickle the leaves and watch the very quick folding movement and they would magically reopen shortly after.

Mimosa Pudica is a very unique plant that would feel "shy" and its leaves have the folding capability when touched or exposed to heat or being shaken! That is why it is also called "Touch-Me-Not", "Shy Plant" or "Sensitive Plant". In Malaysia, it is called "Semalu". Don't try to pull them with your bare hands, it pricks because it has thorny stems. Mimosa Pudica is well known for its rapid movement. In the evening, the entire leaf will fold together and droop downward. At sunrise, it will reopen.

"Touch-Me-Not" seems to be the way many of us live and behave in a fast-paced and advanced society. When we come home from work, we just shut the door and lock ourselves within the four concrete walls, in fact, many don't even open their windows! Wait a minute! I am not talking about Microsoft Windows which I know most of us do. Do you know that through such a behaviour, we might be telling our neighbours, "Touch me not! Leave me alone, don't come and bother me, I am too stressed by my work, my bills are piling up, my children's education fees are not paid yet, I am facing some health challenges" and a host of other problems.

I think it will be good if we could learn to open up our hearts and even our home, be more neighbourly and more cheerful. At least, "Touch-Me-Not" opens up its leaves shortly after they close. Even though they close in the evening, they would open again at the next sunrise. Perhaps, Mimosa Pudica could give us some insight into how we can live and behave better!

The BENEFITS of having PROBLEMS...

This blog is intended for Christians and those who are open-minded to Christianity.

Yesterday, we were privileged to hear the personal testimony of Rev Michael Ross Watson at Living Sanctuary Brethren Church. If you would like to know more about Rev Michael Ross Watson and his ministry, just do a Google search with his name.

Among other things, he shared the FIVE reasons why God allows us to go through problems in our lives, citing his personal experience and spiritual walk, from the perspective of a Christian. He said God uses problems to:

1. Direct us,
2. Inspect us,
3. Correct us,
4. Protect us, and
5. Perfect us.

This understanding would help us face problems with great confidence, positive mindset and enduring faith. All of us face problems everyday, and the problems could be quite similar in nature, but the outcome of the problem might be very different depending on the attitude we have towards the problems.

Why is Sulphur powder being sprinkled along the fence?

Yellow-coloured Sulphur powder is seen sprinkled on the ground along the perimeter of the fence of a school in Serangoon area. Do you know why? That is to prevent snakes from coming into the school compound. For those who don't believe, ask your parents or grandparents! I don't think it is being taught in the school Chemistry class. By the way, when sulphur is burnt, it produces Sulphur Dioxide which has a bleaching or whitening effect.

A breakaway from stereotyping...

Notice how the word "Serangoon" is being unconventionally written! It is a simple breakaway from the stereotyped writing. A good attempt!

Business Thoughts - "Li Yong" or "Hup Chok"?

One day, I was introduced to a businessman who is interested in anything and everything that could help him make money. He was enterprising, creative and business-minded. He might not be highly educated but he is obviously street-wise and street-smart.

We spoke about many things and throughout the conversation, he would intermittently utter some phrases in Hokkien dialect. There was a phrase that impressed me a lot especially when he talked about negotiations for business partnership.

He said that if it is a Win-Lose partnership, it is called "Li Yong" in Hokkien, which literally means one party exploiting, making use or taking advantage of the other party. On the other hand, if it is a Win-Win partnership, it is called "Hup Chok" which can be literally translated as working together, collaboration or cooperation.

I am OK, you are NOT OK!

We tend to be more lenient and kind to ourselves than to others when it comes to words. We would usually use words that are more positive and gentle to describe ourselves or our actions, but use words that are mean and crude for others. Think about the following sets of words to understand what I mean:

• Firm and Stubborn
• Careful and Risk-adverse
• Confident and Boastful
• Thorough and Slow
• Efficient and Impatient
• Thrifty and Stingy
• Slim and Skinny
• Overweight and Fat
• Fair and pale
• Kind and Hypocritical
• Flexible and Inconsistent
• Complying and Rigid
• Tactful and Crafty
• Career Planning and Job Hopping
• Strategic Withdrawal and Defeat as in military troops
• and so on....

In all these sets of words, the first and the second word could be referring to the same behaviour, but when we talk about ourselves, we tend to choose the first one which is more positive. We tend to be more inclined to use the second word which carries negative connotations, to refer to others and their behaviours. This negative thinking lies largely in our inherent prejudice towards others and it gives rise to such a mentality as "I am OK, you are not OK!" or "I am right, you are wrong!".