Take it EASY, Parents!

In a competitive society or community, many people like to pitch their level of success against that of their neighbours or peers, for fear of lagging behind or losing out to them. Unknowingly, their external behaviours give away their inner attitudes.

Have you come across some parents who like to ask and find out the marks their children's classmates score in the tests and examinations? Frankly, such parents are always a pain in the neck for many other parents. If other classmates score lower marks than her child, she feels great; but when others score better marks, she feels jealous, and she would work harder on her child and make sure her child gets ahead the next time. Everntually, who suffers? It is the child.

Some parents would feel bad, guilty and left behind if all the neighbours along the same corridor are getting a tutor for their children. So, when they could not resist such comparative and competitive thinking, they would also engage a tutor for their own children. Do you know that many children take tuition not because they need to but because the parents want them to, so as not to lose out in this competitive society?

Give OLD idea a NEW look...

We are so used to looking at many activities that we perform day in day out, that we always think that that is the way they are and nothing else could be done to improve them. There is a natural tendency in many of us to think that things are already at their peak or have reached their ultimate end. Most students think that they cannot write better than the authors.

However, it is heartening to know that many improvement ideas and even new inventions have been created every day in many organisations in different parts of the world. This happens because there are some people who simply refuse to take things for granted and they keep asking questions as to why certain things are done in certain ways and are passionate enough to find new solutions and ideas to do things differently and in an improved manner.

One of the activities in creative thinking is to scrutinise existing ideas and activities with new and fresh insight from different angles and perspectives, i.e. give the old idea a new look.

Be a GREAT Leader with HUMILITY!

It is not difficult to find good leaders, but great leaders are hard to come by. Good leaders lead effectively whereas great leaders lead affectionately with a servanthood mentality. A great leader not just leads, but serves those he leads. That is why it is not easy to find great leaders.

I recently spoke to a senior person in a statutory board, whom I know for some years. He has been working in that senior position for many years. I am always impressed with his humility, he never pulls rank or forces his way through at work or when dealing with friends. He is by nature, gentle, approachable and helpful.

He shared with me his philosophy on leadership, he said, "We must respect every individual no matter how lowly their position may be." This is the belief he actually practises in his work and no wonder, he has been doing so well in his position for so many years. When approached for help, he would usually personally attend to it or make a very smooth arrangement for someone else to help on his behalf, if he is busy.

I can only say that he is a great leader with humility, and a humble leader with greatness within him. I believe that those who work with him are indeed blessed through his humble leadership.

SMS/Chat Language using numerals...

If you have been reading SMS/Text or chat messages from your young or teenaged children, you should be able to read and understand the following passage without much difficulty. Forget about grammatical correctness for the time being. Enjoy reading....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he runs away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 works. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Are PARENTS to be blamed?

Many children in modern and affluent societies tend to be brought up in a way that they have been conditioned to take things for granted and be insistent in their demand for things. When their demands are not met, they would behave irrationally and terribly towards their parents. What difference are they from terrorists, hijackers and kidnappers?

Sometimes, the problem does not start with the children but the parents. I have, once in the toy department of a shopping mall at Orchard Road, overheard a father telling his son apparently after he has done well in his examinations, "Son, go and pick whatever toys you like, don't worry about the price!". Gee! This father seemed very rich! I think this is where the problem starts. "Don't worry about the price", what value was he imparting to the child, money grows on the trees or drops from heaven? Such children, one day, when his demands are not met, would turn against the parents.

I have personally encountered many families like this. The parents are inadvertently being manipulated by their children and the children don't even spare a thought for their parents many of whom are not big earners. As a result of such "extortions" by the children, a father was compelled into stealing things from his workplace and selling them for extra income to support his son's extravagant lifestyle. The father was caught, charged and put behind bars.

I think it is important that parents impart right values to their children especially when they are much younger. No matter how rich the parents may be, I think it is good for the children to learn that money is hard-earned and money comes with effort.

How are you being APPRAISED at the workplace?

Usually, well before the organisational restructuring exercise and salary adjustment, performance appraisal would have been carried out by most companies that have in place formal HR practices. In the past, employees' performance appraisals were usually carried out in a confidential, secretive and hush-hush manner. The employees would never get a chance to see the evaluations, comments and recommendations made by their superiors.

In the 1980's when Open Performance Appraisal was gaining more acceptance, many companies started conducting open performance appraisals on their employees. Evaluations are made more rational with scores and ranking on various evaluation criteria or factors. The employees'strengths and weaknesses on the job are being identified, discussed and recommendations made to help the employees to improve their performance or to develop their strengths. This has provided a channel for employees to discuss with their superiors on their work performance and to understand the expectations of their superiors.

But, such open appraisals must be supported with good record keeping throughout the appraisal period because most superiors tend to have short memory, they usually would forget incidents that took place 11 months ago, and selectively remember whatever that happened in the recent months. If the recent incidents happen to be the negative ones, they would negate the entire good performance over the period preceeding these incidents. This would be unfair to the employees. So, it is important that superiors keep a good account of incidents that had taken place so that all ratings and scores are backed by specific records and data. This would prevent subjective evalutions and possible arguments.

I have seen some superiors who are lazy and clueless about what is going on with their subordinates to tend to hand out the performance appraisal forms to the employees and ask them to fill up themselves. In such instances, employees tend to be more reserved in their own scores and ratings because generally, most of them have not much confidence in themselves. I encourage employees to have full confidence in themselves, be honest and truthful to how you assess yourselves. If you are excellent, just indicate that you are excellent. But, make sure you substantiate with facts and figures.

How about a QBE after your name?

I think the society has placed too much emphasis on that piece of paper qualification that has been taken as the prerequisite entry requirement to most job positions. This has unconsciously compelled some who are desperate enough for a certain job appointment to resort to getting that piece of paper qualification at all costs, even unethically.

Without prejudice to those who are academically-qualified, it has been reported in the press that many graduates are examination-smart but not work-smart, and despite such observations, many companies are still stating qualification as one of the principal requirements. It shows how deeply entrenched such a qualification-based culture is.

I think we have to strike a balance when it comes to recruitment of personnel for various job appointments. One of the best financial planners in town does not even have an O-level certificate, a very experienced teacher who teaches the teachers does not even have a university degree, a self-taught calligrapher being paid for his work and a counsellor without a Degree in Counselling being popularly approached for counselling work.

I think qualification should come in two forms, one by academic pursuit and the other by experience accumulation. Ideally, one should be academically-qualified with relevant experience. But, each candidate should be given a chance and be assessed on its own merits.

It might be worth mentioning that it is more important to be educated than to be just academically-qualified and that is why it is called Ministry of Education, not Ministry of Qualification. A person can be well-qualified but not necessarily educated. I have personally encountered some real-life situations and seen how academically-qualified graduates behave socially.

For those who do not have a university degree, take heart. There is still a place under the sun for those who are diligent and passionate in their endeavours. If you need to add a title to your name, you may like to consider a QBE after your name, for example, John Smith, QBE (Qualified By Experience). Not a bad idea, I guess!

How well could you handle a customer's complaint?

Today, I observed some discrepancies in my phone bill, and so I called up the Customer Service Department of the telecommunications company. I was served by an officer in the call centre who apparently gave me the wrong information which I knew outrightly that it was wrong. So, I politely asked her if that was right, and she replied with a confident yes. I asked again if she was sure and I had no alternative but to tell her that she was wrong. Eventually, she checked again with her supervisor and came back apologising for her mistake. It appeared that she was not in the position to address my issues with the bill, so I requested for her manager to call me back.

Before the day ended, the manager called me and she was listening responsively, and eventually she understood my concerns and made some adjustments to the bill. I was impressed with her responsiveness and her cool attitude in customer relations. Customer relations job is never an easy one, for customers' problems come in all shapes and sizes. The customer relations staff have to be well-trained to handle different scenarios calmly and tactfully.

It is not all bad and negative about customer relations, when they do a good job, they would get appreciation from customers. I knew of one manager who had done extremely well and had helped many customers solve their problems. She told me she had received so many letters of appreciation and commendation that occupied a few arch files.

Divide-and-Rule Strategy in management

Teamwork is a good attribute many organisations are striving to achieve with their employees or members. But, there is a fraction of leaders who generally feel insecured of their positions and hence apply the divide-and-rule strategy in their management of the employees, staff or members.

Such leaders usually like to sow discord among the subordinates. They would intentionally create disharmony among the subordinates so that they would get into conflict with one another. When this happens, the subordinates would obviously not be coming together as a team and go against the leader.

In this sense, the leader's position is secured. This style of management sounds pretty unsound, doesn't it? But, this happens when a weak leader is managing a team of strong and intellectual subordinates. Obviously, he does not encourage teamwork in his team.

SUCCESS in managing FAILURES...

When it comes to good thing, we always hope that we are the lucky ones to get it; but when it comes to bad one, we tend to think that it is meant for somebody else. Isn't it true? Think about lottery and 4D bettings or lucky draws and then think about disasters, accidents, failure in examinations etc.

It simply reflects the inconsistency in the way we think. When we toss a coin, there is an equal chance of turning out a head or a tail. It is a 50% chance for each. Because people always think that only good things would come to them, it makes it harder for them to accept mishaps and failures.

To have a balanced perspective of things in life, we should hope for the best, but prepare for the worst because both scenarios have an equal chance of occurring. In a society where success is being taken for granted by many and has somehow become a norm, failure is something that is hard for people to accept and manage. So, I hope those who have been successful throughout would learn to be successful in managing failure should it unexpectedly strike in the midst of their sweet success.

In the words of former Deputy Prime Minister Goh Keng Swee, after the PAP’s long monopoly of parliament was broken in 1981, Dr Goh has wisely said, "failure happens when we fail to consider the possibility of failure."

A new private residential project at Governor's Hills, Philippines

You can get a unit of this private residence in Philippines at about 20% of the price of a 5-room flat in Singapore!

Safety Tips to make your travel more pleasant...

Click on the image for an enlarged view.

Leadership renewal and succession planning...

Leadership renewal and succession planning are critical to the continued and breakthrough success of any organisation. However, in real life, there are many leaders in various organisations, who continue to cling on to their position for years. When such leaders have been in power for too long, and especially if they are more senior in age, they are usually less prepared to try new ideas and implement new initiatives. That is where the entire organisation would set into a stagnant state and stifling of creativity would be the culture and order of the day.

The reason is simple, the leader has built up his success and perhaps, an empire over the years and in his best personal interest, he would not want to venture into anything new or thread into new grounds that might jeopardise his sweet success and good name, just in case those new ventures and initiatives did not meet with expected success or might even meet with unexpected failure. Should that happen, all the success he has built up over the years would be wiped out in no time and instead, he would most likely be remembered for the most recent failure he has brought to the organisation. To be safe, he would rather remain status quo. Hence, the organisation would not experience any new and creative growth.

Therefore, for the benefit and continued growth of the organisation, it is of utmost importance for the leaders to plan their succession early and implement leadership renewal on a regularly basis.

As a matter of fact, nobody is indispensable in any organisation, the only scenario commonly seen is that people try to act and behave as if they are indispensable. Retrenchment, though unpleasant, is one form of wake up call for people with such mentality.

Homemade pies with an international appeal...

I was recently treated to a Black Pepper Chicken pie from Mimi's World of Pies, which is a Singapore special and it is rich and tasty. If you crave for homemade pies with a local appeal, check it out from their website. By the way, I am neither their employee nor their agent, it is just a friendly recommendation.

Take one step at a time...

No matter how steep the stairs may be, nothing is more practical and attainable than taking one step at a time. We might be faced with tough times and rough patches in our lives, learn to take one step at a time and live one day at a time. We will still reach our destination and attain our personal successs eventually. When we get stuck and have no clues as to how to begin a huge and mammoth task or project, try to break the big task into smaller manageable units or steps. The results can be amazing!

Be deep rooted in moral values and beliefs

Notice that this tree is standing at an inclined angle and it is standing strong because it is deep rooted. That is the strength and power of the deep roots. Similarly, a person can stand strong and tall in a morally-declining society if he is deep rooted in his moral values and beliefs.

How about a Contract Marriage?

With the rate of separation and divorce increasing at an alarming rate in many parts of the world, many young professionals have resorted to the idea of cohabiting, even in a traditionally conservative society like China.

Many years ago, when the Contract Work or Contract Employment idea was made popular, I had a wild anticipation that one day, a Contract Marriage might be even practised especially when the Gen-Y at large, is adopting more liberal thinking and changing values in the internet age.

The registration of marriage might even allow for options as to the duration of the marriage such as Permanent Contract, Seven-Year Contract (to coincide with the seven-year itch?) etc.... and at the end of the period, the Seven-Year Contract might be renewable for another seven years or it could be converted into a permanent contract if the couple decides to make their marriage permanent. Frankly, I will not be surprised that one day, my wild anticipation would turn into a reality.

Empty Nest Syndrome...

Recently, I spoke to an elderly man who had been his own boss for the last four decades. While feeling proud when he told me that his two children were doing well as managers despite their relatively young age, he expressedly lamented that the children hardly utter any words to him everyday even when they are back from work.

Though the elderly man looked carefree but I could sense the void and helplessness deep in his heart. He spent years bringing up the children, but all he wants now is to have the children talk to him and share their lives with him. But, he gets nothing of that sort, and he feels lonely. The situations might be worse when the two children later get married and moved out to stay on their own. The elderly man would then be experiencing the Empty Nest Syndrome and might even be spiralled into mental depression if he is not able to manage his loneliness,

A world of LIES and SUSPICION...

No parents in their right mind would teach their children to lie to or to be paranoid towards others. But, as children grow up, many tend to develop such undesirable traits or habits towards others in life.

They are conditioned to think and believe that people usually do not tell the truth, and when one speaks the truth, nobody believes it. People are so used to others telling them lies even when someone speaks the truth, it becomes too good to be true. You may like to test it out when you happen to play "hide-and-seek" game next time. Tell where the person is actually hiding, and see how such true information is being taken as a lie.

Many people also believe that when somebody is being nice and helpful to them, he or she must have ulterior motives. They tend to become paranoid and negatively judgmental towards that person who in the first place, could be just a good Samaritan. I know of a wife who suspected that her husband had an extra-marital affair, started to become paranoid and could even make a case out of a long hair found in the front seat of the car. And, one day, the husband bought a car for her so that it is more convenient for her to fetch the children to and from school. She told me, "I think my husband feels guilty now. So, he bought a car for me."

To make this world a better place to live in, I think we should learn to tell the truth and stop being paranoid towards others. Of course, like in all things, some caution should be exercised because there are some truly professional liars who are out to cheat.

Identify and manage the unhealthy stress quickly...

I had an opportunity to interact with a lady who is trained in Traditional Chinese Medicines and has been voluntarily helping some patients over the last decade.

Based on her observations and experience, she said that those people who always seclude themselves, live in their own world and like to always talk about the past, have a greater tendency of developing mental depression. She has apparently counselled some of them and helped them walk out of their tunnel of depressions. I am impressed with her because she is doing all these on a voluntary basis.

There are reportedly 25,000 people in Singapore suffering from mental problems. The daughter of one of my ex-colleagues suffered from mental depression while she was still studying in Primary Four and was receiving psychiatric treatment from the Institute of Mental Health.

I think in a highly-stressed and fast-paced society like Singapore, people must learn to identify the unhealthy stress and manage it quickly before it builds up and develops into mental depression.

About Husband and Wife...

• Sacha Guitry : After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
• Sigmund Freud : I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
• Patrick Murray : Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
• Nash : The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Never argue with a woman...

I have no information on the source of this story. But, I reproduced it here for your reading pleasure with appreciation to the author.

"One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'For reading a book,' she replies, 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again, 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. "

MORAL of the story : Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Some brain teasers for you to check your brain...

1. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
3. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realising that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

To check your answers, mouse over after the full stop. Answers: 1. Green house is made of glass, not green bricks. 2. Cows don't drink milk, they drink water. 3. You don't bury survivors!

A site for fathers ... Centre for Fathering Singapore

Fathering Quotes for the week:

• A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season. ~ Anonymous
• It is easier for a father to have a child than for a child to have a father. ~ Pope John XXIII

www.fathers.com.sg

Local postage stamps...

Some thoughts on PARENTING...

I have come across situations when a child perpetually misbehaves, the helpless parent would just say sternly to the child, "If you don't listen, I will call the police to catch you!". It might be a common tactic used by some parents, but I think there are some repercussions to this. First of all, I think the parent would gradually lose his or her authority over and in disciplining the children. In addition, there is an indirect shirking of responsibility of the parent. Such parents would find it increasingly more difficult to control the children on their own, as the children are growing up.

There is another scenario, when a child accidentally trips and starts crying because it hurts, some parents would go to the child, help him or her up and then hit the floor several times with their palms, to tell the children that it was the floor that caused his or her fall. The reason the child falls is because he or she is not careful, what has that got to do with the floor? As a result, unknowingly, the children would grow up, always thinking of passing on the responsibility to somebody else when something goes wrong and avoid taking personal responsibility for what had happened.

A practical and economical way to obtain alkaline drinking water

Many scientists, researchers and doctors have begun to realise that alkalising the body is the key to radiant health and vitality. As the body is made up of 70% water, it is important that we drink water that is purified and alkalised.

A very practical and economical way to obtain alkaline water is to install a six-stage filtration system on your existing water tap in your kitchen basin. There is no need for electrical supply and messy hoses. And it costs just S$290 per unit. Check it out HERE.

SATA/IDE to USB 2.0 Adapter

Most computer users would have accummulated some hard disks over the years due to replacement, be it 2.5 inch (for Notebook PCs) or 3.5 inch (for Desktop PCs).

If these hard disks are still functional and you want to read the data stored in there, I would recommend you to go for this innovative hardware called SATA/IDE to USB 2.0 Adapter. It supports 2.5 inch, 3.5 inch and 5.25 inch IDE/SATA Drives. It costs about S$35.