What has gone wrong with our children?

Observations:

• Students are seen smoking outside shopping malls, some even smoke in school toilets as I was told by one of the secondary school students.
• I have heard students exchanging vulgarities in buses and public places, in one instance, three girls were using vulgar words in almost every sentence they uttered in the bus.
• Some boys have conducted themselves in a certain manner, in one instance, carrying some metal bars walking in a group of 12, behaving like gangsters.
• Girls were seen sitting very indecently on the concrete parapet walls outside shopping malls.
• Media have reported that a great percentage of upper secondary students is engaging in sexual misconduct.
• I have been told by some parents that they were assaulted by their teenaged children at home.
• Many children are known to be disrespectful towards their parents, raising their voice when talking to them...
• and a host of many other undesirable behaviours.

Questions:

• What has gone wrong with our children and youth?
• Is there anything wrong with home parenting and school education?
• Whose responsibilities is it to put all these things right?

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A young-looking lady who is a great tutor and a great mother...

I had a good conversation with a lady tutor who specialises in tutoring primary school students for many years, but she does it with a difference. She is not just tutoring, she is making lives by imparting good values to her students. She apparently does not charge high fees and takes it more as a passion. She related to me how her past students, even after years of leaving her, still remember her and keep in touch with her regularly.

When I first met her, my jaws dropped when she told me she has two teenaged children, one of them is serving the National Service now. She does not look her age. I found out her secret of keeping young: Be happy and trust God! She is a Roman Catholic. She believes in being happy and not worrying too much about life. Live everyday purposefully and meaningfully. Her faith has brought her joy and peace in her life.

She is apparently a good mother because the two children are pretty close to her. She seems to enjoy working with and dealing with children. May be that is what she does that keeps her young. I should say that she is not just a great tutor, but a great mother, too.

An awesome session with a couple great in learning attitude!

I had an awesome informal session with a wonderful young couple for almost an hour and a half. They are both working parents, hold great concern for their children but not pushing them too hard academically. We belong to the same school of thought, that moral values and emotional wellbeing are far more important than sheer academic excellence. There were certain areas I suggested they could do to further improve on their current bonding they have with their two children.

Little did I realise that my humble suggestion that they write journals or blogs had ignited an immediate fire in the wife and she told me she had started blogging almost immediately after I left. Nothing impresses me more than such instant action. A good start for her in 201o! I look forward to reading and learning from her blog in time to come.

Some of my career advice and suggestions got them nodding in agreement and apparently they are going to put into practice some of those ideas. I find that both of them are very keen learners and have very positive attitudes in life. With these important attributes, I am sure they are ready and set for greater achievements in their parenting process and also their respective career.

My best wishes to them and their family!

A message of appreciation from a mother...

This is an SMS from a mother who cares so much for her son in secondary school, that she brought him to see me on a Saturday afternoon. She is also involved in the Parent Support Group in her son's school.

I am very thankful to her for she was so kind and generous that she bought five copies of my book and wanted to give them away as gifts. She was full of appreciation and even bought me a big piece of durian cake (the best I have ever tasted!) and a box of chocolates. I am grateful to her for being so gracious and grateful.

I spoke with her son in her presence, for close to two hours. The son was rather receptive of what I shared with him and found what I said made sense to him. I hope he would go ahead and do as advised and agreed. When he starts implementing those ideas, I am very sure the outcome would be totally changed and different from what it is right now. My best wishes to him... Cheers.

A witty and humorous two-year-old boy!

A two-year-old boy whose parents are professionals from India, impressed me with his wits and humours. At this young and tender age, he is already speaking complete English sentences. The parents and other members at home also speak to him in other languages. It is amazingly rare!

The father related to me an incident of the boy. The boy likes to pull his mother's hair and wants his mother to carry him instead of walking on his own. So, the mother told him, ''A good boy does not pull Mummy's hair and does not ask Mummy to carry.'' Spontaneously and mischieviously, the boy responded, ''Mummy, I'm a bad boy!''

When I was at their home, I was talking with the father for quite a long while. The little boy started to miss his father and got impatient with me. Eventually, he could not hold it any longer, he came to me and said, ''Uncle, bye bye!'' Of course, the father scolded him and told him not to be rude!

This is a boy very extraordinary. He is doing and saying things many children his age do not. I believe he would grow up very intelligent and smart and able to connect with people well.

The HEART of the PARENTS...

A friend's son who has been spending most of his waking hours out of home and on all kinds of activities except studies, surprisingly passed his PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examination). It was certainly a great relief to the parents. Was it by chance or by his intelligence that he passed his PSLE? Only God knows! All I know is he has given lots of headaches and heartaches to his family all these years, got himself involved in all kinds of accidents and incidents that were nerve-wrecking at times. Obviously, by chance or by sheer intelligence, he has been given a chance and is now promoted to secondary school. I just hope that he would appreciate the chance given, learn to focus more on his studies from now on and be a better person. I hope he would also learn to appreciate his family more by not giving his parents so many heart-wrenching moments. My best wishes to him...

I recently spoke to a taxi driver who treasures his family life more than just making more money, and hence he chooses to spend his evenings at home with his children, instead of plying on the road. There is a price to pay in making such a decision and it involves sacrificing some incomes. But, if he does not pay this price, he might end up paying a higher price when the children go astray. There is no right or wrong as far as his decision is concerned. But, I feel that he has made a good choice. Indeed, a good father he is!

Three children with good upbringing...

I had the privilege of talking with a mother who was a good motivator to her own three teenaged children whose first names are all five-lettered words starting with "Ha", so when the first two letters of their names are put together, they become Ha-Ha-Ha. It is my fervent wish that this family would always be filled with laughters.

I could sense the joy and harmony in the family as I was speaking to the mother who later invited all the three children to join in the motivational discussion. The three children were very respectful, well-behaved and were doing their own things when I called at their place. The eldest would be taking his last paper for his O-level examinations tomorrow. After some simple encouragement, he decided to change his mindset and aim to score a distinction for it.

I believe all the three children would be able to do very well in their studies as long as they have the positive mindset and attitude and develope strong discipline in their daily lives. The mother was apparently very proud of her three children. I think the three children owe much to their mother's commitment in taking care of their daily well-being and providing them with lots of moral support for their character-building.

In this context, I think parents play a pivotal role in the upbringing of their children in terms of character-building and moral education. Schools should play a supportive role in reinforcing those values while performing their primary functions of teaching academic subjects.

Parents always mean well!

Besides taking care of the physical well-being of the children, parents also carry the heavy responsibility of teaching them the right values and guiding them onto the right path.

No parents would want to see their children going astray, doing the wrong things and suffering from the consequences of their unconsidered actions.

As a result, parents would always tell their children all the dos and don'ts in life. But, children being young and inexperienced tend to think that parents are nagging at them. So, they retaliate by not listening and sometimes even trying to do the exact opposite. Many parents sometimes feel so helpless. But, little do the children know and understand how much their actions and behaviours have saddened the hearts of their own parents.

So, children, listen to your parents. Parents always have your best interest at heart. They mean well. They are seen to be nagging because they care for you and they love you. So, listen to them. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Incidentally, today is September 11. During the 911 incident, there were those who lost their loved ones. I am sure many of those children who have lost their parents would wish that they had listened to their parents more, and they certainly don't mind their parents nagging at them, if at all, the parents were still alive today!